Tonight my dearest mother said that 12 months would be a very long time to be deprived of my hugs.
Until recently I would have had no concept of what it’d be like to miss something like that, for most of my life all the most important hug recipients haven’t been away for more than a couple of months at a time. But I’ve learned that so far four months is already hard enough.
I’m such a physical contact kinda person. I’ve known that for as long as I can remember. My family always called me the koala bear.
I remember in my late childhood – mid teens when I shied away from physical contact to save face it took its toll. At around the age of 16 I decided never to let that happen again (for a while it manifested itself as handshakes between the boys until they got over their homophobia and understood the need for brotherly love).
All my close friends have since been flooded with my physical presence when I’m around.
Still, a good telling factor for me of how much I miss someone is how much I would physically love to give them a massive hug.
I think the above example is a reason for this weird unrest that I’ve been suffering lately.
The problem is that in the transaction to gain some physical contact I lose the other. I guess this is going to be the case for the rest of my life then. At least I think that is partly why I want to base myself in the Northern Beaches long term. Regardless of where my closest friends will be around the world, when I settle down I want to have my family around. See my nieces and nephews, see my parents becoming grandparents, see my siblings grow their families. Of course, there will be frequent travelling around the globe but home will always be home.
Man I could do with quenching a little bit of this current unrest though! I guess I’ll have to wait a few months. Until then I shall be making the most of what’s around me that I’ll miss later.
I was watching Breaking and Entering tonight and it brought something to my mind. One thing I don’t understand is how people can be unfaithful in an attempt to quench a physical or emotional need – all they end up discovering is that they would have been much better off getting to the bottom of things and fulfilling those needs with the right person.
Anyway, I’m not going to open that can of worms because I know I am so naive and you know what… I don’t necessarily want to change that – I don’t mind being idealistic if it means that I have good intentions (gosh that could sound so narrow minded – meh, I’m really tired and can’t be bothered being more concise). I’d best be off to bed where I can dream of some hugs aye 
