never have i been at such a loss for words than when i needed them the most…
dont you hate it when all you can think about is how you are going to say something, and then when you go to say it, your stuck
… today was one of the most emotional days of my life, i experience some of the strongest and most opposite emotions at the same time…
…we had the 10 year reunion EPA (or SOPA rather) 2nite, when i was meant to be on stage crew, i ended up having a very interesting night…
… it started off with me finally talking to jodie, and resulted in me running around lional wyatts oval a couple of times, then collapsing onto my knees in the middle…
is it normal to cry when your not sad?? things had gone almost the best they could (second best really) and i found it so emotionally draining, maybe im an emotion addict like hannah (”emotionals anonymous”)
maybe i over use the elipsis’?
the weird thing now is, that i dont feel emotionally drained, now rather i feel quite extactic
… i didnt know how to react, i had convinced myself that as long as nothing changed, nothing was ruined, i would be happy with the result…
but i was happy, i am, things are so much clearer for me now
… i was happy with the result, but my mind kept on spinning, it couldnt stop thinking about what would happen if i hadnt been stuck for words, or if i had better timing…
now i regret telling as many people as i did
but sometimes you cant help yourself, the feeling is so amazing that you want to tell the world
… the whole night leading up to it i couldnt sit still, i was walking behind the cyclorama, back and fourth, figiting, then when it came close, i continued to put it off, then i stood up to do it and at first i went to sit down, but instead i soliered on and continued to go for it…
i dont regret doing it, i would have regretted not doing it more
at such a loss for words, i didnt make things seen special enough, but would that have changed things? it doesnt matter, i wasnt aiming for one answer or another, i just wanted to know
hugs are good… i need more hugging in my life… you can tell so much from a hug…
… i had obviously been inturpurating the wrong signals, i had taken things the wrong way…
life is good, god is good, and he loves me
… i did a lot of thinking on that oval, and have been doing a lot here, i just sat down for half an hour and prayed, read the bible and played the guitar…
maybe its just not meant to be me, maybe i should stay like this forever, and focus on other things… but i love everything attached to this though
… i discovered on the oval how good god is, and how life is so small in the scheme of things, though he cares, he is the god of every part of my life, i am thankful for to night and all that happened…
i hope i havnt spoiled anything for anyone else
thank you god, for being who you are, for being so perfect… tonight kind of reminded me of you, the way things were done, the response i got was done in a way that reminded me such of you, it was soft, tender, thoughtful, and loving, it was doing what was best for me, and ignoring all my shortcomings
mmm, maybe i should follow in example, i should continue to love as i have been loved, be concious of those around me
!!! but thats what made me want this so much, thats exactly it, those are the characteristics that i wanted to be a part of my life, i wanted that so badly that i looked in the wrong place i suppose…? im more confused than ever… or am i?
gee when i look into my reflection, i see a glimps of who i am, i get scared
